Why do relationships trigger old wounds?

Have you ever noticed that the closer you get to someone, the more old wounds seem to surface? Relationships - whether romantic, familial, or friendships - have a way of bringing out unresolved pain from our past.

This happens because our early attachment experiences shape how we relate to others. When someone behaves in a way that reminds us (even unconsciously) of past hurt, our brain registers it as a threat, triggering emotional reactions that may feel bigger than the situation itself.

For example, if you grew up feeling unseen, a partner’s distraction might not just feel annoying - it could bring up deep feelings of unworthiness. If past relationships involved betrayal, even small breaches of trust can feel overwhelming.

It might not feel like it, but these moments offer opportunities for healing. By recognising the patterns, practicing self-compassion, and communicating openly, we can rewrite old narratives and build healthier connections.

At Gemstone Psychology, we use attachment-informed approaches to help you navigate and resolve wounds from early attachment experiences.