The impact of Childhood Emotional Neglect
Childhood emotional neglect (CEN) refers to the consistent failure of caregivers to acknowledge or respond to a child’s emotional needs. It is often unintentional but can have significant long-term effects on emotional development. Unlike physical neglect or abuse, which involves active harm, emotional neglect is more insidious and can be harder to identify. It’s not what parents do, but what they fail to do—by not providing emotional support, validation, or engagement with the child’s feelings (Miller, 2016).
Sometimes this can happen due to parental mental health problems, substance use, busy lives, caring for someone who is unwell, or simply due to parents not knowing how to respond supportively to their child's emotions, despite being very loving and well-intentioned. CEN can be pervasive and chronic, or it can happen in times of great stress or trauma in families, where parents are dealing with their own reactions and are not capable of also responding appropriately to their child's.
Long-Term Effects on Adults
The effects of CEN frequently carry into adulthood, manifesting as difficulties with emotional expression, chronic feelings of loneliness, and low self-worth. Studies have shown that individuals who experience emotional neglect often struggle to process emotions, leading to emotional dysregulation or emotional numbness (Kendall-Tackett, 2007). Such individuals may also develop an anxious attachment style, fearing rejection or abandonment in relationships due to their unmet emotional needs during childhood (Bowlby, 1988). These emotional deficits can further complicate interpersonal relationships, resulting in either emotional withdrawal or excessive people-pleasing tendencies (Johnson, 2018).
Additionally, adults who experienced childhood emotional neglect are at an increased risk of developing mental health disorders, such as depression, anxiety, and personality disorders. A 2019 study found a direct link between emotional neglect and heightened feelings of shame and low self-compassion in adults, which often translates into negative self-perception and difficulties with self-esteem (Wright et al., 2019). These outcomes emphasize the importance of early emotional support for healthy psychological development.
Pathways to Healing
Healing from CEN involves acknowledging the emotional void experienced during childhood and learning new ways to engage with one’s emotions. This process often includes developing self-awareness and practicing self-compassion, which can be fostered through building supportive relationships and engaging in practices such as mindfulness. While emotional neglect may leave deep scars, individuals can relearn how to validate their own emotions and connect more authentically with others, fostering emotional resilience and self-care (Siegel, 2012).
It’s important to recognize that emotional neglect, while damaging, is not irreversible. With proper support, individuals can work through these emotional deficits, gradually creating healthier relationships with both themselves and others.
References
• Bowlby, J. (1988). A Secure Base: Parent-Child Attachment and Healthy Human Development. Basic Books.
• Johnson, S. M. (2018). Attachment Theory in Practice: Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) with Individuals, Couples, and Families. Guilford Press.
• Kendall-Tackett, K. (2007). Trauma and Physical Health: Understanding the Effects of Extreme Stress and of Psychological Harm. Taylor & Francis.
• Miller, A. (2016). The Drama of the Gifted Child: The Search for the True Self. Basic Books.
• Siegel, D. J. (2012). The Developing Mind: How Relationships and the Brain Interact to Shape Who We Are. Guilford Press.
• Wright, M. O. D., Crawford, E., & Del Castillo, D. (2019). Childhood emotional maltreatment and later psychological distress: Evidence from a longitudinal study. Child Abuse & Neglect, 94, 104032.
